daves basic laws of travel

i have observed certain laws which come into play more often than not when i travel. here you go:

• the biggest person on the plane always sits next to dave.
• either the tray table or seat back (recline) will malfunction.
• the baby that cries and screams the entire flight must sit within one to two rows of dave.
• inexperienced travelers with way too much carry-on baggage must stop at daves row and press their bags into his face while attempting to figure out how to stuff that dead yak into the overhead.
• those who intend to talk in a booming or high-pitched annoying tone the entire trip must sit right behind, right in front or right next to dave.
• baggage claim is always the furthest carousel away.
• daves bag will be last or next to last off the carousel.

i will add more later. i know there's more, i'm just too tired to think of them.

oh wait . . . when dave goes to the "lavatory" on the plane, he is always preceeded by that biggest traveler who by the way, must have had a wonderful mexican food lunch right before boarding. great . . .